You secretly hate yourself and it’s keeping you poor. Here’s what to do about it.
If being hard on yourself actually worked, it would have worked by now. You’re not where you want to be. And, despite how much effort you put in, you don’t see results. You work tirelessly to get your business off the ground, improve your health, build a freedom-focused lifestyle… But the more you try to force it, the less your effort seems to amount to anything.
Underneath it all, you don’t have a marketing problem or a productivity problem: you have a self-worth problem. And until you address the root cause of that, your business will never “take off,” your goals will remain just out of reach, and any progress you do make will be discounted or disregarded.
But all is not lost. When you stop building from a place of self-hatred, everything gets easier. Your services are more desirable. Your boundaries are stronger. You’re exercising more, sleeping more, billing more, and earning more. Money flows freely. Opportunities find you. And you don’t have to burn yourself to the ground to make it all happen.
When your inner critic runs the show
Knowing how to get rid of self-hatred starts with understanding what causes it. Self-hatred isn’t always loud. In fact, more often than not, it builds quietly over time and you may not even notice it.
It all began in your childhood, when you were taught that love, safety, and success had to be earned through being productive 24/7. Maybe you learned that expressing your needs upsets people. That needing rest makes you lazy. That setting boundaries makes you selfish. That wanting more makes you ungrateful.
Whatever it was you learned that made you “not good enough” unless you’re bending over backwards trying to meet everyone’s crazy standards, it was internalized. And now it’s a voice living rent-free inside your head telling you to push harder, prove yourself, and stop complaining. But it doesn’t stop there. It also tells you that you’re behind, failing, and the sole reason why nothing is working. Nice.
What you may not yet realize is how deeply this hateful emotional state is impacting your physical and financial health. It’s dragging down your nervous system, depleting your capacity, clouding your judgement, and sabotaging your ability to take aligned action, whether you like it or not. And ignoring it only makes matters worse.
Over time, your confidence erodes, your immune system weakens, your anger intensifies, and your ability to make progress lessens significantly. In other words, self-hatred doesn’t just stay in your head. It bleeds into your bank account. Into your inbox. Into your calendar. Into your relationships. Into your gut. Into your sleep. Into every decision you make. Because your subconscious mind is on overdrive trying to keep you safe, as it did when you were a child.
Self-awareness is paramount for real progress
The first step to getting rid of self-hatred is to notice where it’s showing up right now. Here are some of the intrusive thoughts you may be having that indicate this is a problem for you in your life and business:
• “I hate that I know exactly what I need to do to take care of myself properly and I still don’t do those things.”
• “I’m mad at myself for rejecting work opportunities that aren’t appealing to me, when I should be grateful for the opportunity because I need the money.”
• “I hate that I keep letting myself get manipulated into doing things I don’t want to do.”
• “I hate that it’s taken me so long to find the support I need, and that I’ve wasted so much time getting here, trying to figure it all out on my own.”
• “Everyone says you should value family, community, helping others, etc. above freedom, money, etc., but that’s just not how I really feel and I hate that about myself.”
Whatever your version of this narrative is, this anger lives inside your body 24/7. And the longer it stays unexpressed, unacknowledged, and unresolved, the more it worms its way into your life and business. When self-hatred is your standard operating system:
• You don’t follow through on things that would actually help you.
• You don’t take care of yourself unless it’s forced or highly regimented.
• You can’t rest without feeling guilty.
• You don’t market your services unless you’re in a worth-proving spiral.
• You take on projects that go against your values and then resent everything that entails and hate yourself for it.
• You obsess over mistakes, saying you don’t want to let others down (when you actually don’t want to let yourself down).
• You self-sabotage, then beat yourself up for doing it.
Instead of building a freedom-focused life (what your conscious mind thinks you’re doing), you’re running from fear. And that’s not a sustainable model for any business.
Why people stay stuck, indefinitely
The reason entrepreneurs get stuck in self-hatred cycles is because self-hatred can actually feel really productive. When you secretly hate yourself, it gives you the illusion that you’re fixing things. That you’re being honest with yourself. That you’re not letting yourself off the hook. That you’re taking responsibility for your life and actions.
But here’s the thing: you don’t want to take care of someone you hate. You can’t grow something you’re actively trying to destroy. You can’t punish yourself into alignment. You can’t guilt yourself into productivity. When your inner voice is constantly tearing you down, every decision is heavy. Your default mode is punishment instead of nourishment. And it’s not because you don’t know how to treat yourself better (you do). It’s because you don’t believe you deserve to feel better.
You would never talk to someone else the way you talk to yourself. But because it’s familiar to you and no one else can hear, you let it go unchecked. And it bleeds into everything. This is the real reason you’re stuck. This is why your bank account is so empty. This is why your business hasn’t taken off yet. And this is where the greatest potential lies.
The inner work that changes everything
Ironically, the moment you stop trying to “fix” yourself, without addressing your self-hatred, everything will start to work. The Universe will respond. You’ll become clearer, more consistent, and more magnetic. You’ll actually want to show up for yourself and your clients. And that shift will create momentum that forcing yourself to do things simply can’t. Because when you start taking care of yourself, you start taking care of business.
Healing your relationship with yourself isn’t easy. But it’s something I’ve made enormous progress with personally, and now specialize in in my coaching business. So, I’ve put together some strategies and re-frames to get you started on your own healing journey and help you unlock more ease in your life and business.
1. Fully Express Your Anger
Grab an empty notepad and write down everything you’re mad about in this moment, without trying to make it kind or constructive in any way. Let it be messy, irrational—even mean. Get everything out that you’re feeling right now about yourself. Don’t spiritualize it. Don’t make it wrong. Don’t filter anything or hold anything back. Let it out as it wants to come out (angry AF).
2. Create Space for Internal Dialogue
Once all of your anger has been expressed, shift gears. Ask yourself: “What would I say to someone I loved if they told me this?” Let that part of you respond. You can either write this out by hand as a back-and-forth dialogue between the “angry” you and the “empathetic” you. Or, you can verbalize it in a giant voice recording where you play both ‘roles.’ Make sure the “angry” you feels fully heard, and that the “empathetic” you has a chance to push back if it does believe you messed up. But, ultimately, try and meet in the middle.
3. Track Your Emotional Wins
Start paying close attention to small, seemingly insignificant moments of progress that don’t show up in your bank account. Did you pause before deciding whether a client or project was aligned or not? Did you try to separate out fear from your genuine desire to grow? Did you choose rest instead of diving into a guilt-ridden productivity spiral? Did you eat because you were hungry, instead of waiting until you’d “earned” it? Did you say something honestly even though it may have upset someone? These moments matter. They prove that you’re letting go of old patterns. And that’s where lasting change happens. So, write them down. Feel into them. Celebrate. Recognize that this is the only type of progress that really matters.
4. Stop Mistaking Discipline For Devotion
Instead of trying to discipline yourself into doing “the right things,” ask: what does devotion to my future self look like today? Build rituals around reverence, not resentment. You’re learning how to move through life differently, so give yourself a framework that feels freeing and safe. Let go of any tightly controlled rituals or expectations you have of yourself that only end up making you feel bad about yourself. Trust that the more you heal your relationship with yourself, the more self-care will occur organically, without any force required.
5. Practice Peace Before It’s Profitable
If you wait until your business is thriving to feel at peace, you’ll never feel it because peace is something you practice before it feels justified. Imagine what life would be like if everything was safe and good. How would you feel? How would you act? How would you treat yourself? How would you make decisions? Start doing these things now. Your most important job now is to show your nervous system that it’s safe to go against the beliefs you formed during childhood about how to protect yourself. It needs you to go first. Once it knows you’ve got your back in new ways, it will stop hounding you so much.
6. Give Yourself Grace and Closure
You don’t need every question answered or every past mistake validated to move forward. Acceptance is not the same as approval. It’s just an acknowledgment that the past happened. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting. It means refusing to let old patterns keep running the show. Closure isn’t something you wait for. It’s a gift you can give yourself in any moment you choose. And when you learn how to give it, you start writing a new story—one where you’re no longer the villain. You’re the guide. The protector. The damn CEO.
Sophie Ash, BSc (Hons), DipION is an Intuitive Business Coach and Communications Expert with 7 years of experience helping purpose-driven entrepreneurs build freedom-focused lifestyles on their own terms. Sophie’s coaching helps entrepreneurs find authentic ways to express themselves in business, so their work reflects who they are—not just what they do.
